Welcome

Welcome, Maya Blue. We love you forever.

Exactly one week ago, I was still pregnant. At 5:30pm, I had just checked into the hospital, dilated to a five and fully effaced. In less than five hours, I would be a mother.

The delivery process was amazing. As unreal as it is to have finally met my daughter, it feels like I've known her forever. I feel like a new person, and at the same time, I feel like I've finally become myself.

A week as a mom, and this is already the best/scariest/happiest/most exhausting thing I've ever experienced.

At 10:02pm on Sunday, August 24th, my life began.

40 weeks + a day

There should be a support group for pregnant women who are overdue.

My due date was yesterday, and there have been no signs of baby at all, as of now. It goes without saying that she will come eventually. But that's not the issue. I know she'll be here someday, but that's always been true, even long before I was pregnant. It's that she was supposed to have already arrived. I've been pregnant for a zillion years, and now I'm still pregnant. None of my apps have any kind of encouragement, and I can't find a single forum on the internet that isn't full of halfway-preggos who are hoping they won't be overdue. This forum isn't for you! Go away!

We were fully ready and prepared to bring her home two weeks ago, so any preparations made since are either an added bonus or me redoing something and calling it extra ready. I sleep as much as I can, especially since I wake up frequently throughout the night and can't get back to sleep very easily. This baby is still active, but it's painfully clear to us both (literally, for me) that she's out of room. Walking hurts. My body is sore and tired, but I think the worst of it is that it's like my bones can't stay together. They're all just free-floating between weak muscles and tendons. People say walking helps you start labor, but waking up every morning with gloves for hands and slippers for feet makes walking unappealing. I do it anyway, though, because I don't have a baby yet and I can go anywhere I want. So there.

I had been keeping my hair relatively fixed, just in case, since I'd like to look the least ridiculous after pushing a baby out as possible, but I mostly gave up on that. I started pulling back on it in an attempt to coax her out. Like, of course she'll be born the one time I put off a shower until tomorrow. But, no. The problem with her being in my body is that she's totally onto my tricks. I've tried every peptalk and lecture and bribe I could think of to encourage her, but to no avail. I mean, if a dresser full of adorable clothes won't do it, I don't know what will.

As I get more anxious/frustrated/disappointed/exhausted, Justin gets more and more excited. Guys deal with impending parenthood differently than girls do, and now that we've hit the due date, I think now he really believes she could come at any moment. She could, but knowing this fact is actually almost worse for me. However, it's pretty nice having some strong positive energy to absorb.

I don't even think I need to say how crazy in love with her we are or how badly we want to meet her. We have been given so many good things for her, and I honestly don't think we would be anywhere close to ready if it weren't for all the love and support we've received.

We have an ultrasound on Monday to check on her health and all, so from there, we'll know when to induce (assuming this thing doesn't start on its own). Whether it's a day or two or a week or two, it already feels like a lifetime of waiting for my life to really start.

The Pros of Being Pregnant at 39 & 1/2 Weeks

To be honest, I was sure she'd be born by now. The consistency of all my mom's pregnancies ultimately did nothing to predict, with any accuracy at least, what my experience would be. (I should've seen this coming when I passed my one-hour glucose test.) Here I am, rounding the corner on my due date, and there are zero signs that she's going to be born soon. The most I've got going on is some low menstrual-like cramps and back pain, but it's not even measurable. The doctor and nurses call them Braxton Hicks, but I can't even consider them contractions. (They said my Braxton Hicks contractions are minimal due most likely to the fact that I'm well-hydrated. Insert eye roll here.)

For the first time during this whole pregnancy, I actually started to feel hormonal last week. I took it as a sign that this was almost over, which was a bad idea because that just made me even more anxious. The past couple of days, however, I've mellowed out a bit. She'll come eventually because she really doesn't have a choice.

My next appointment is this Thursday, and if i'm still pregnant by then, I'll be sent to Labor & Delivery to have an ultrasound. As long as everything looks good, they won't induce me for another week after that. I really don't want to be induced. I mean, if I wanted to be induced, I'd just call them today and tell them I want this baby out of me, and that would be the end of it. So, in an effort to not be so impatient, i.e. miserable, I've considered the reasons why still being pregnant right now is actually a good thing.

She's the safest and cleanest and most comfortable she'll ever be in her whole life. I don't have to change dirty diapers yet, or clean up puke, or hear her cry. I don't have to share her with the world yet. I can totally shower all by myself. (Well, as "all by myself" as I can do anything while pregnant, you know. Living for two, and all that.)

Guessing the day she'll be born is kind of like a game now. It really could happen any time. I should've thought about this beforehand and made some sort of a raffle for guessing the day. Hey, I should organize it anyway, because then maybe that would encourage her to come, right in the middle of a big project. That's how kids work, right? Busting in, taking over your stuff, right when you need them to not do that?

See, I'm a kid expert already. I have that skill, thanks to never actually having been a parent before. Add that to the list of good things about still being pregnant.

One of my best friends was able to take some maternity pics for us, which turned out awesome, so basically now I've done everything I can to be prepared for this baby. Ultimately, though, that means nothing, because when I think about actually going into labor, I forget everything I know and become the biggest rookie to ever have a baby, ever.

So... Any day now!

38 weeks + 2 days

You people have no clue how ready I am to have this baby. I am so done being pregnant, just waiting around. I'm so tired all the time. Feeling her move is still as awesome as ever, probably more so now that she's like a real live borned baby, but what the hay bales do I have to do to make her get out here?!

And, apparently, I've gained too much weight since my previous appointment. Problem is that they gave zero clue where I'm hiding this weight, and everything else is perfect as always, so now I have the fun task of a 24-hour urine test. My uterus measures appropriately, so they aren't even considering that this weight is in the baby. "It's probably because you're tall," they say, "but we'll have you do this test just to check." Okay, great. Now I have even more incentive to have this baby ASAP. Just what I needed, ANOTHER reason to want her out of me.

Don't get me wrong. If the worst thing I have to endure in regards to this pregnancy is collect my pee for 24 hours at 9 months pregnant, I'll take it. But c'mon. This late in the game, they might as well just let it go, because all this does is give me one more thing to try not to stress about.

We've got 1 week and 5 days left until her due date, which basically means we just need to be ready at all times. Our bags are packed and, so far, I've done pretty well keeping my hair at least sorta fixed. (Still heavily relying on "glow".) In my fantasy world, my water breaks after a restful night and a good breakfast. The problem with that is that a restful night is a laughable notion, and a "good breakfast" depends highly on your definitions of "good" and "breakfast".

I've started this new fun thing where I have elaborate and vivid dreams that aren't nightmarish but aren't pleasant. I wake up multiple times during the night to pee (as always) and come back to bed and just sit there. Why? Because I can't sleep. Why? Because life is cruel and sleeping well for even one final night before bringing home a newborn baby would probably be some sort of false comfort, and therefore, a crime.

Unfortunately, this whole post has been one giant complain-fest about how impatient I am. And exhausted. And impatient.

Can I have this baby now?