3 Months Left

As of today, we have exactly three months until this baby is due. The most important thing to remember here is that I didn't panic.

I repeat: DID NOT panic. Today. I didn't panic today.

The secret here is that I already panicked. As soon as May became June, I low-key freaked out and did a TON of planning. So much planning. Having kids challenges everyone. You know why? Because you have to be equally structured and unstructured. Then you have to know when to be which. Who can live under these conditions?!

Do you see how I'm totally calm and collected and not freaking out at all?

It's not that I'm anxious about his arrival. In fact, thinking of when he is finally born is the best relief I have right now. The last and craziest trimester will be gone, and I'll have a bunch of check marks on all my lists. For a naturally flexible personality like mine, it is no small task to get things done. I generally get things done, but with a lot of planning and preparation on my part. I know me better than ever, and I can't just willy-nilly spring through life all the time, particularly as an adult, especially as a parent. In fact, it's probably lucky that my first kid is strong-willed, 'cause otherwise, I have no clue what we'd be doing. Just laying around?

Many feelings (that I'm told are normal) are starting to emerge, like what if I screw this baby up because I try to parent him like I learned to parent Maya? What if she feels abandoned by me when there's a new baby at home? What if he isn't as advanced in development as she is and I spend his whole childhood comparing him to her? He can't live in a shadow! But see, these are things I don't worry about anymore because I am perfectly chill and zen.

I can't deny my excitement. Knowing that we're so close to bringing home a baby boy is uplifting. It makes sense for us. Nothing motivates me quite like being a mom, especially since it's not such an unfamiliar experience this time around. There's nothing quite like the first time, but maybe there's nothing quite like the second time, either. That's been true so far, at least.

Tomorrow, I'm 27 weeks pregnant. Tomorrow is 3 weeks until the 30s, 13 weeks until the due date, and negative 6 days until I freaked out a little.

See? 100% casual, laid back, mellow. Lax, even. If I were any more chill, I'd be frozen Anna before her act of true love thaws her out. Or I'd be Hans' heart. Or Olaf, maybe. Arendelle after Elsa freezes it? Or Elsa herself! She's gotta be cold.

Anyway, the point is that I'm fine.