Quick Update

Maya loves to play in my art supplies and "help" me finish them. The shelf in the living room has a couple really nice drawings of hers. It's in pencil, so I could wash it off, but I almost don't want to. So what? I'm a proud artist mama, CAN I LIVE?!

The banana pictured above is recently listed and up for grabs. I've got a few other pieces I'm working on, and about a million business ideas in general, so I guess you could call me a bona fide businesswoman now. ::finger guns:: *chk*chk*

I've been busier than I've ever been in my entire life and I LOVE IT. Not being busy in itself, but I'm doing things I love, feeling productive and accomplished, and I'm only barely upset that I can't afford to get my hair done right at this second. HahahahaHAHAHAHA!

BUT SOON. Rome wasn't built in a day. But that doesn't stop anyone from trying to do anything, ever. I could build a Kardashian-sized empire without even using my butt.

I feel like I should disclose that my baby girl right there cheesin' for the selfie isn't even a year old yet. Not even! WHAT HAPPENS TO BABIES?!

*Sorry for all the yelling in this post. I'm easily excitable.

The Shop is Open!

This is it, y'all. I opened an Etsy store! I make art, and now I officially sell it. And I highly underestimated the level of courage it would require to announce this to people I know.

I'd like to say that I'm in love with every piece I make, but that would be a lie. I've always been the kind of artist (and non-art-related person) that jumps into something and is ready to move on quickly. There are countless finished works of mine that will never see the light of day, simply because I don't like them but don't want to go back into the world of that piece to attempt to turn it into something I might like.

With that being said, the art that I'm starting to make these days is different than things I've made before. I'm making art for me now, but formeforyou. Creating it makes me happy, and I want you to be happy by having it.

For a long time, I never wanted to sell my art. First of all, for a long time, I never thought I had anything that another human being would want to buy. Mostly, though, I was afraid I'd grow to see it as a chore, a burden, and ultimately stop enjoying it. What I've found through this process is that I really do have a passion for it. This became clear when art DID become work and I still loved it. When making idea lists and to-do lists excited me instead of overwhelming me, when giving myself deadlines for certain pieces made me feel accomplished instead of frustrated...

I know I'm not the most skilled or most practiced artist out there. That's not my goal. What I want is to find my voice, in a sense, and make people happy in the process. The value in the destination is in the journey, and I intend to experience that.

***

Coming back down to Earth:

You can visit my shop HERE, and always at the top of the page using the "Shop" link. I've got plenty more pieces coming, and you'll be able to get prints of all of it. Add my shop to your favorites so you can see when I post new art. Let me know what you think!

PPD: 11 Months Later

Last year, I had a baby. I also had postpartum depression. I originally talked about my experience with PPD in a previous post.

The thing about postpartum depression when you're on an antidepressant is that you feel normal, for the most part... but I still wondered every day if I would ever be able to get off of it. I'd accidentally miss a day and think I'd surely never be able to stop taking it if only one missed dose could allow so much negative emotion to slip through. This is why it's almost unbelievable today for me to say I'm officially off the medication completely.

OH, if I could sit and talk with my past self!*

In part, I wanted to give an update in case anyone might be wondering how this has been going. Mostly, though, I am sure there are chicks out there just like me who think they are the only one. They might feel alone, and if they're like I was, they'd be searching the internet all the time to try and find comfort, to find someone who can tell them that they're going through it too and not to worry and to call your doctor and that this! takes! time! You aren't a bad mom for feeling sad instead of happy. You aren't a failure because you can't will yourself out of the darkness. And taking medication for it can be scary but many times it's necessary to be able to take care of yourself and your baby/babies.

This is what I wish I could go back and tell myself, but my experience is what it is, and I've made peace with that. I was still happy and grateful and ME underneath it all, but I couldn't dig that far.

Now, I do wonder if I'll have depression with future babies, but it's a much different situation now. I look forward to experiencing a new baby without it, and I'm much more aware to handle it more quickly if it does happen. AND now that my experience is all out there in the open, it's not nearly as scary of a thought.

*I'd really like to talk to my future self, too. All of us could do a HIMYM-style acapella number, which would be worth it even without any insight into life.

I Fried My Best (It's a pun.)

*This post contains talk of baby vomit. AAAAAAHHH!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!

I was trying to be a good mom this morning and make breakfast. I thought an egg would be good for Maya, even though I don't really care for them, so I fried a few up for us to share. I didn't put anything on it, because babies don't need salt, right? I fed her about six tiny little bites. I ate some myself and regretted it almost immediately. The eggs aren't expired, which I checked first, but even I'm still nauseous.

My "good mom" idea backfired. Maya didn't feel well either, which was obvious. She coughed and opened the portal to an ugly, eggy dimension. Watching your baby get sick is probably the worst thing on the planet, and I say that to make it clear how little I cared about the grossness happening in my arms. However, when the portal closed, Maya looked significantly better and I suddenly became very aware of myself and my now drenched shirt. Without putting Maya down - 'cause LOL it's too late for that - I took off my shirt with one arm, one side at a time. You could call this a mom skill if you want, but the only reason I was in this situation is because I thought it would be a good idea to give an egg to someone I love. Clearly, my intentions were flawed from the start.

Maya was then acting sleepy, and it was about her nap time anyway, and I knew she didn't feel well as it was due to a tonsil infection, so I nursed her. Unfortunately, I saw what little milk she drank come back up just a few minutes later, along with the few remaining bits of egg. I grabbed a towel from the nearby laundry basket and cleaned what I could. She laid her head on my shoulder and was asleep not two seconds later.

At first, I was a little concerned, but knew she was very tired, so I held her long enough to feel confident about laying her on the bed without waking her up. Shortly after, I heard her sweetly talking in her sleep (which is a thing she's been doing lately, probably to follow in the footsteps of her aunt.)

If I learned anything from this experience, it's never to give anyone an egg, ever. Maybe not even if they beg for one. Eggs are weird anyway! They're the wandlore of the culinary world, and for a non-chef like me, I'll just ignore all eggs that don't already belong to my body.

post-eggtraumanap

11 Months & Lately

I'd like to start this post by patting myself on the back for the upgraded blog. Yay, me! If you know me, you might know that I hate web design. And, even though this blog template was pre-made, I still had to do way more than the desired amount of IT work to fix some issues and do some formatting. NOW HERE WE ARE! I did have to take multiple breaks to, you know, take care of my kid, but that's just a convenient excuse for why it took me as long as it did.

Speaking of my kid, she's only ten days away from being a whopping eleven months old. She can walk now (!!!) and does so about half the time, or when she forgets people are watching. She's very smart - too smart, really. She knows what a baby is and can even say the word. And even though she knows who mama and dada are, she says "dada" when she's happy (which is often) and "mama" when she's upset (which is also often). I think she's more like a fairy, like Tinkerbell, where her body is small enough that it can't hold more than one emotion at a time. I feel like a broken record with this, because she's always been this way. She's happy until she isn't, and she is unafraid to let you know.

We've had so much fun the last week and a half doing all kinds of things. Between her first 4th of July, first trip to Medicine Park and Mount Scott, first trip to the Children's Museum, and first time at Andy Alligator's, she's been having a blast! She also stayed in a hotel for the first time. I was worried that she'd end up being a homebody, but thankfully, she's been totally adaptable and has been going with the flow.

When it comes to milestones, Justin and I are basically pros now. Pros in parenting, pros in marriage... We're thinking of opening up shop and selling our priceless advice. HAAAAAHAHAHA.
For real though, last month, we hit our five year anniversary. [Insert "aawwws" here.] My very talented sister documented the occasion for us.

The thing about this anniversary is that it felt so... right. Being parents is the best thing ever, honestly, and even though having dinner alone has a lot more work around it, it's still something I'm happy to be doing. Although, I will be first to admit that simple things, such as writing this blog post, can be incredibly frustrating when you're constantly interrupted by a baby pooping or choking or throwing a plate on the floor, or nearly anything that will prevent a person from being remotely productive.

(...but I love it, really. Just don't tell Maya.)