Playing With Tampons (Controlled Distraction)

This article was originally posted on TheBLT while I was a guest columnist.

I walked into the bathroom the other day and was surprised to see something laying in the sink: two brand new tampons puffed full of water. Once I recognized what they were, I laughed. I remembered that I let my daughter play with them the night before. I don't typically make it a habit to waste hygiene products, but sometimes you just need your kid to mind their own business. I wouldn't believe you if you told me there were parents out there who don't occasionally turn a blind eye to their kids enjoying an activity that's less than desirable. Whether it's for two minutes or ten, we all need a break now and then. Why else would we have been made to need bathroom breaks? Or sleep?

In our family, we employ an unofficial method of parenting; what I like to call "controlled distraction". (In the parenting book I'll never write, it'll be found in the "Preservation of Sanity" chapter.) This is similar to redirection, but the beauty of it is that your child thinks it's their idea. This is a crucial factor of success for my bold and energetic toddler. She's an opportunist; so I can give her little wins here and there without sacrificing my (often disputed) role as her leader. Win-win!

I'm not competitive, nor am I a choosy beggar. I can lose a few battles if it means I win the war. (Also a chapter in the parenting book I'll never write: "Parenting Isn't A War Except When It Totally Is".) If I interrupt a potty break of my own to chase my daughter around the house to retrieve the tampons she stole from the bathroom drawer, who's the real loser in the situation? I'll gladly risk finding a couple of deconstructed tampons laying around if it means I get to use the restroom in peace - whatever the new definition of "peace" is when you become a parent.

When I imagine myself being a mom, the image is pretty disconnected from reality. Fantasy Reghan is never tired. Her patience meter is always full. She's perky and sweet, her children always do exactly what she asks, and they listen and accept any life wisdom she imparts in teachable moments. In summary, she's 100% fictional and probably also impossible. As a real human, I need reprieve and refreshment. To survive between rare date nights and even rarer vacations, you gotta do what you gotta do. In some cases, that means seeing your toddler with your toothbrush and preemptively deciding to just start using a new one. (Advice to include in my nonexistent parenting book: Always have extra toothbrushes.)

There's always a chance that my future self will be appalled at my seemingly willy-nilly methods, but if future me exists, I'll owe myself a thanks, because those very methods kept me just sane enough to live another day. If there's one thing I've learned since becoming a mom, it's that it really does take a village. And, not only does it take a village, but it also takes lots of concessions sprinkled here and there to keep the majority of the people in the village mentally sound at any given time.

If I ever write that parenting book, it might suffice to just say, "Chapter 1: IDK, just wing it like everybody else." End of book.

The Prodigal Son

“So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.”

- Luke‬ ‭15:20-24‬ ‭NIV‬‬

 

***

 

Both sons were lost, but only one of them knew it. The story used to frustrate me because I was the older son. I'm doing the right things, I'm following the rules, and yet, there's no praise for me. Then life happens and you change and grow and make more mistakes.

 

And I realized that I'm the younger son.

 

Not because I'm no longer "good", but because I can see that I'm not good. I can see how far I've strayed, that I need grace. I can see that I was never worthy in my own right, but because of my Father's love.

 

You really can go back home.

 

To roots, to foundation, to square one. To the beginning, but wiser now that you know you aren't that wise. We leave home thinking we'll find ourselves, but some of us, in tired moments, realize we are lost.

 

And, somewhere in that moment... We are found.

 

***

 

"I thought if I could touch this place or feel it

this brokenness inside me might start healing.

Out here its like I'm someone else,

I thought that maybe I could find myself

if I could just come in I swear I'll leave.

Won't take nothing but a memory

from the house that built me."

- The House That Built Me, Miranda Lambert

Let It Go

The full article was originally posted on TheBLT, where I'm a guest columnist.

When you're in the sea of adulthood and you're getting slapped in the face by wave after wave, it can seem impossible to keep your head above water. We all get stressed in life; we all get overwhelmed sometimes. As a human and as a parent, you have to find ways to earn that "mom of the year" mug without going to jail or dying or shrieking choice words at your children. I recently had to accept wise, old words recently popularized by a young queen in a glittery dress: Let it go.

Yes, Elsa got it right. Just let the wind carry that heavy cape of pressure to be perfect off into the dark, cold abyss. Who can carry that thing around? I'd rather have the sheer, sparkly train of self-acceptance anyway. More often than I previously realized, I just need to tell myself to let it go. It's not that I can really do it all and I'm just constantly failing, it's that I can't do it all.

It sounds like a jab, but it isn't. It's freedom. Admitting that "doing it all" isn't realistic is me letting myself off the hook. If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree... You know?

The fact is that bad parents don't constantly wonder if they're good enough. Bad parents aren't worried if their kid has too much candy, if missing a bath could be fatal, or if it's considered child abuse to still let them have a bottle at bedtime. I don't know how it's been before now, but I'm parenting in a time where people are offended by everything. Most of the stories we read are intended to scare or anger those of us who are just trying to do the best we can. Am I doing the best I can by constantly criticizing myself and measuring my performance as a parent based on how much or little I screw up? No.

Am I still a human and will I still make mistakes? Yes. However, even if I'll forever be critical of myself, I should never be my worst critic. The world will take care of that. I have to pick my battles, with my children, with my critics, and even with myself.

You can read the article in its entirety here.

Welcome, Max!

I had some posts in the last couple months of my pregnancy that never made it past the "draft" phase. This is more than forgivable, considering everything going on. With that being said, I think I can make it back into the blogging world now. So 90s, so fetch.

Welcome to the world, Max Bennett!

He arrived on September 1, 2016, weighing 8 pounds & 13 ounces, at 21 inches long. Our entire experience from start to finish was so different than our experience when Maya was born. We are sleepy and so happy he's finally here!

June Favorites

It's not rocket science. It's not even financially lucrative, since no one pays me to tell you what I'm into lately. Actually, no one pays me to tell you anything at all.

Wait, why do I even have a blog?

Regardless, I've put together a little list of things I'm diggin'. Things I want or have used like crazy or have recently discovered and loved.

 

1. This adorable little baby mermaid outfit is adorable. Did I mention it's adorable? It's things like this that make me want to have another tiny little girl. // Etsy 

2. This mug speaks to me on a deep level. // rue21 

3. If a unicorn backpack existed when I was in high school, I would've been a lot cooler than I actually was. // Target 4. This is on my list of things to get for little baby boy. It's edgy without being creepy and it's mostly white, which I'm super into right now. // Etsy 

5. My go-to, all-time favorite body lotion is St. Ives Collagen & Elastin. I have naturally dry skin and that stuff works wonders. However, it's too greasy to use on my face. Finding a face/neck lotion that isn't too greasy, doesn't break me out, and doesn't need multiple layers to last is nearly impossible when you don't have hundreds of dollars to spend on moisturizer. But THIS STUFF. It's incredible. It's not a fancy brand, and it certainly isn't the cutest or prettiest option, but it does everything I want it to do. Plus, the last time I had the opportunity to use a Cetaphil product was when Justin was recovering from lots of burns, so I didn't think their stuff was for regular, non-burned people. I'll keep using it and see how it goes. // Target / Walmart 

6. This seasonal diaper print is so cute I almost died. // Honest 

7. Honest Organic Healing Balm might be able to cure anything. I mean, don't take my word for it. I'd tell you to try it but no one pays me to do that, so try it or don't, whatever. // Honest

8. These will be on my newborn's body on his first trip out of the hospital, you mark my words. // Etsy

[Insert Crying Emoji Here]

The great thing about the baby-birthing industry is that you know your doctor will be there when you need them. The not great thing about the baby-birthing industry is that you aren't your doctor's only patient, and them being there when one of their patients needs them might mean you find yourself making two trips to the city just to find yourself waiting for your doctor to return from birthing someone else's baby.

To be honest, it's not that bad. It's definitely inconvenient, but what might have been truly upsetting with Maya isn't with this baby. With Maya, it felt like months between every appointment! Now, I'd be an obvious mess if it weren't for calendar apps and alerts and reminders. (Seriously, how did anyone parent before smartphones?) Instead of being "awww maaaan", I'm using the free void in my schedule to chill on a couch in the waiting room and write this blog post while Maya isn't in my care. I guess I could've just rescheduled and gotten a built-in excuse to have babysitting again, but that's a lot of work, guys. If I'm gonna get child care, I'd much rather go somewhere other than a doctor appointment.

Speaking of doctor appointments, things are definitely in the home stretch. All signs point to baby, and I am so ready. That's the only thing I'm certain of these days. That, and the fact that I need a full-body massage. The little baby I host might rip out of my body with every stretch. (Do babies flex in utero?) I've had some Braxton-Hicks contractions this week, which is yet another sign of the end. I'm more excited than anything about the labor and delivery, even knowing it's not something you can plan with any real certainty.

That's how I live best, I've learned. Maybe I'm a true Sagittarius after all. I've said you become more yourself as a parent, and that's still true. 

***

I take back everything I said. I came out of my appointment just shy of completely devastated because my beloved doctor is moving! Someone else will be my OB for the last month of my pregnancy, the delivery of my baby boy, and every moment for the rest of my life maybe. Please excuse me while I work through the stages of grief over this very real and difficult loss.

I guess I'll go question everything in life now?

The Princess & the Pee

This article was originally posted on TheBLT, where I'm a guest columnist.

My princess certainly doesn't need anyone to save her—maybe not even me.

If my almost-two-year-old daughter could talk, I think she would've already taught herself to read and write. If she could write, I think she'd be running a blog dedicated to educating the toddlers of the world on the best ways to gain independence. If she could read, I'd be leaving her notes around the house, reminding her that she is, in fact, a toddler, and not the grown-up she seems to believe she is.

This article is truer now than it was when I wrote it almost two months ago. Fortunately for me, I'm about to have another baby. Otherwise, I think I'd be rendered useless in this gig I have as Maya's mom. Are they supposed to grow up this fast? I mean, they say kids grow up quickly. But they don't tell you how quickly babies grow up!

The bottom line is that I'm not even needed anymore, basically. She keeps me around to write her memoirs and drive her everywhere. Maya, if you're reading this, remember me and all the diapers I changed when you're running your own business at six years old.

Read the article in its entirety here.

Month in Moments: June

A few shots from my Snapchat story when I did my glucose test.

 And I did pass, with flying colors!

Anniversary date night!

30 Weeks i.e. I Waddle Now

The weeks have become months, at this point. I have come to terms with the fact that I'm a wee bit complain-y. Isn't it my right or something?

Anyway, I truly feel like this kid could bust out of my stomach with each stretch. My abs aren't as tough as they were before I had Maya, so my stomach muscles are pretty much useless at this point. Maya is more active than ever, and I am exhausted. My vehicle is having problems, my washer broke, it's a thousand degrees outside, and any position that doesn't free up my lungs is suffocating.

BUT! I am so excited about things coming up. And, let me tell you, there is no shortage of things coming up. The holiday weekend, a baby shower, Maya's second birthday (which is particularly enticing because there's gonna be a lazy river involved), and the birth of this new little baby. Now that I've publicly complained, I'm free to exclaim - in text - how exciting so much of this is. I don't need to even open my tired eyes to say "WOOHOO" online, so WOOHOO!

At my last prenatal appointment two weeks ago, my uterus measured a week and a half bigger than where I am, which isn't anything to be afraid of yet. At my next appointment on Thursday, I'll be measured again, and we'll see how things look. I'm just gonna chill and let this baby do his thing, and whenever he's born, he's born. And if he busts right out of my stomach to make his arrival, I'll just look at it as a free tummy tuck or something.

He's so strong. I'm proud and all, but I'll be more proud when I'm not in pain. That's not me complaining, that's just a simple fact.

This is also a fact: Any more children I give birth to will not be born in summer. They just won't.

Pet Fever

Currently, we have no pets, including the mouse we recently encouraged to be with Jesus. I'll be the first to admit that this is the easier, cleaner, cheaper alternative to letting animals live with you. I also have a child (and a half), and I don't think letting children live with you is a responsible choice, either. However, we're humans and we want love and companionship, so we do what we want, even if it's inconvenient and expensive and messy.
Me, to Justin: "I want a pet. A kitten maybe?"
J: "Is a toddler and a newborn not enough?"
Me: "We haven't had the newborn yet and I still have the fever!"
J: *lovingly rolls eyes*

Our plan does not include pets right now. However, if I show up at home with a pet one day, I cannot be held responsible. It probably needs my love to live. That's not my fault, obviously.

I only suggested a kitten because they're so darn cute. Also, even though I am not a cat person, they're so much more independent than dogs and way easier to take care of. Plus, Maya needs to learn responsibility or something, right? Yeah. That sounds good. Maya needs to learn the joys of caring for someone else. Who am I to deny my child a valuable learning opportunity?

I think Justin wants a pet more than I do. But he can be trusted. I can't, and that's just a fact.

I probably won't get a pet right now. Who knew an exhausted pregnant chick with a toddler would want a hairy living thing to take care of? On that note, why does anyone have pets? Or kids, for that matter?

The point is that you can't judge me for being human. I think that's the point. I don't know. I'm off to the pet store to cuddle some puppies. Or I shouldn't? Nah, it'll be fine. It'll be fine.

28 Weeks

Nightly leg cramps, daily heartburn, constant lower back pain, swollen feet, puffy cheeks that just won't quit... Daaa dada daaaaa!!! Third trimester, baby!

I was never worried about how long my second pregnancy would seem to be. I had an inkling that it would be over before I knew it, and I've been right so far. Part of me can't believe we're in the last trimester already. My long torso allows me to carry babies deeper (apparently) and because of this, I look about two months behind where I actually am. With Maya, I was a week overdue and a stranger, whose daughter was due a month after me, guessed that I was due a month after her.

I was all, "No, no, man I don't know. I am, in fact, seven days past my due date." We had a good laugh at his ...compliment?... but I was already having contractions by then or else I might have cried a little.

This time, I'm a lot more prepared. For starters, there's a lot less anxiety because I know what to expect. More importantly, I'm prepared to be pregnant longer than they say I'll be pregnant. Can't fool me twice, body!

The joke will still be on me if this kid is born early.

I digress. I meant to say that I guess I was expecting to be in the second trimester forever until my bump was too huge for life. I don't know why. (I'm getting really close to that, anyway.) Like I said, this pregnancy has flown by. I haven't had time to overthink hardly anything. Tragic! Really though, days were like weeks with Maya. Silly childless Reghan, how cute. How cute that you were SO BUSY you were able to just obsess about being pregnant 24/7. Seriously, what did I do with my life before this? Wasted it, I tell you! Pure waste.

I'm excited for this little man to be born. I love pregnancy, but it's like a huge pause. I have more to do than ever before, yet I still have so much I want to do that can't be done until I'm no longer a host. He'll be out of me before I know it, and then months will go by and I'll wake up one day and realize I've been a zombie the whole time. I won't know what day it is, or what month it is, and then I'll get to file a tax return with two kids on it and, at that point, I'll probably wake up a little.

I'm already tired. Just let me sleep, okay?

Don't, really. I have things to do and I think I'm running out of time. I think, I THINK, I'm in the last trimester now?

Coffee, Forever Unfinished

It doesn't matter when I drink coffee. It doesn't matter where the coffee came from. It certainly doesn't matter how badly I need the caffeine. One fact remains:

My coffee is never finished.

The mug is never empty. There's always some at the bottom, cold. I'm actually starting to believe it's brewed that way. The first little bit must go in cold, and the rest goes in hot.

Do people actually drink the last bit of coffee? Is that a real thing? I have never seen someone take that last gulp of coffee, and I've certainly never seen someone do it with an expression that says, "Ah, satisfaction." I can't even imagine their life. Either they're so free and alone that they can finish a cup of coffee in one sitting before it gets cold, or they're so desperate for caffeine that they down the whole thing in an attempt to function. I don't envy either.

Some days, I pass by my cold mug of unfinished coffee and wonder how much money was wasted. Some days, I sigh Napoleon Dynamite-style and wonder why I even bothered. And every now and then, as I pour the rest of my now-cold coffee in the sink, I think about the glorious day when I can finish my coffee while it's hot. Or just finish it, period.

BUT THEN! Then, I realize I don't really want that day to come. What would that mean if it did? The first and most obvious answer is that I wouldn't have young kids living with me. The day will come, sure, but why would I be sitting in one place long enough to drink coffee like that? Do people just sit for long periods of time besides the movies these days? If they do, did I suddenly become a different person that can do whatever she wants and still chooses to sit and drink coffee for some reason?

There's nothing wrong with that, unless you're me. If you're me, you'll always be frustrated with the unfinished coffee, but always fearful of the day that it isn't unfinished. If you're me, you can admit that motherhood isn't the end-all for your life, but still admit that you'll probably be a terrible empty-nester someday, at least for a while. If you're me, you'll remember that everything is a phase, which will make you want to cry for joy and cry for heartbreak, all in the same day.

You know what? I like sweet tea better anyway. It's already cold, and not once in my life has sweet tea made me think existentially. Not one single time.

3 Months Left

As of today, we have exactly three months until this baby is due. The most important thing to remember here is that I didn't panic.

I repeat: DID NOT panic. Today. I didn't panic today.

The secret here is that I already panicked. As soon as May became June, I low-key freaked out and did a TON of planning. So much planning. Having kids challenges everyone. You know why? Because you have to be equally structured and unstructured. Then you have to know when to be which. Who can live under these conditions?!

Do you see how I'm totally calm and collected and not freaking out at all?

It's not that I'm anxious about his arrival. In fact, thinking of when he is finally born is the best relief I have right now. The last and craziest trimester will be gone, and I'll have a bunch of check marks on all my lists. For a naturally flexible personality like mine, it is no small task to get things done. I generally get things done, but with a lot of planning and preparation on my part. I know me better than ever, and I can't just willy-nilly spring through life all the time, particularly as an adult, especially as a parent. In fact, it's probably lucky that my first kid is strong-willed, 'cause otherwise, I have no clue what we'd be doing. Just laying around?

Many feelings (that I'm told are normal) are starting to emerge, like what if I screw this baby up because I try to parent him like I learned to parent Maya? What if she feels abandoned by me when there's a new baby at home? What if he isn't as advanced in development as she is and I spend his whole childhood comparing him to her? He can't live in a shadow! But see, these are things I don't worry about anymore because I am perfectly chill and zen.

I can't deny my excitement. Knowing that we're so close to bringing home a baby boy is uplifting. It makes sense for us. Nothing motivates me quite like being a mom, especially since it's not such an unfamiliar experience this time around. There's nothing quite like the first time, but maybe there's nothing quite like the second time, either. That's been true so far, at least.

Tomorrow, I'm 27 weeks pregnant. Tomorrow is 3 weeks until the 30s, 13 weeks until the due date, and negative 6 days until I freaked out a little.

See? 100% casual, laid back, mellow. Lax, even. If I were any more chill, I'd be frozen Anna before her act of true love thaws her out. Or I'd be Hans' heart. Or Olaf, maybe. Arendelle after Elsa freezes it? Or Elsa herself! She's gotta be cold.

Anyway, the point is that I'm fine.

6 Years

Our Wedding - June 5, 2010

Six years ago today, I married my best friend. He's more of my best friend today than he was then. We haven't been without hardships, but EASILY the most important thing we ever learned is that whatever happens is happening to BOTH of us. We are Team Straily and we both bring something unique and important to our relationship. We challenge each other. (Well, to be fair, I challenge him and he sets a great example for me. I like to think I'm worth the trouble, but I didn't ask him, although I'm sure he'd say I am.)

On our 6th anniversary, here are ten questions we answered together.

1. What have you learned to appreciate about each other that you didn’t know when you first married?
Justin: I didn't know how good of a writer you are. I always pictured you as a painter.
Reghan: Your extreme discipline and ambition. You make me plan for things I wouldn't have dreamed of, and accomplish things I never would've tried.

My Senior Prom - Spring 2009

2. What dreams or expectations did you have about married life? Which have been fulfilled and which have not?
J: We had kids young.
R: I agree on that, we always wanted to have kids young.
J: We wanted to have a house by now. We haven't quite made it to the ownership bracket.
R. *laughs* So true.
J: We're not rich yet.
R: Not yet!

Our Honeymoon Cruise - September 2010

3. What have you given up for each other? How do you feel about it?
J: Even though you've never been career-driven, you gave up working outside the home... for these things.
Maya: *screams*
J: I don't know why.
R: You gave up a LOT of peace and quiet, and that doesn't even include kids.
J: Yeeeeeah.
R: ...How do you feel about that? *nervous laughter*
J: *laughs* It has been worth it so far.

Cruise - October 2013

4. At what times have you felt happiest together?
R: When we get to spend a lot of quality time with each other. We're happiest when we get one-on-one time together.
J: When we go on vacations or cheap dates like when we were dating. In those times, it's usually just us. So, basically, your answer.

After Ziplining in Roatan, Honduras - October 2013

5. How do you manage when desire levels differ?
J: We usually compromise.
R: I think we're pretty good at that, actually. When you want something or want to do something I don't want to do, I just remember all the things you do with and for me that you'd rather not do.
J: I do the same thing. Like going to Cracker Barrel for every meal.
R: What? I don't want Cracker Barrel for every meal!
J: And I don't want Mexican for every meal.
R: Well... Yeah, you kinda do.

Valentine's Day Date - February 2016

6. How much money do you have now? How much did you think you would have at this point?
J: None. More.
R: *hysterical laughter* Fake laugh. Hiding real pain.

5 Year Anniversary - June 2015

7. Are you in agreement about having children, raising them, educating them?
J: Yeah!
R: I should hope that we're in agreement, since we're having them.

Our Wedding Day - June 5, 2010

8. How have you learned to cope with the normal, day-to-day irritations of married life? How could you handle them even better?
J: More naps for the kids.
R: What does that even mean? She naps while you're at work!
J: *laughs*
R: So how have we learned to cope?
J: Chocolate and sweet tea.

April 9, 2016

9. Do you feel more emotionally connected than you did early in your relationship?
J: Yes.
R: Absolutely.

10. How would you define love now? How does it compare with what you thought love was when you married?
R: I would say it's a lot more complex now, but also a lot simpler. Do you know what I mean?
J: ...No.
R: There are so many different ways to show love, ways I never knew existed back then. Or how deep it could be. But that doesn't necessarily mean that love is rocket science, you know? It's easier to show love in general, at this point in life.

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And to think, we still have a whole year until the seven-year itch kicks in.

April 30, 2016

April & May in Moments