4 Months

If you want a new outfit - not just any outfit... a brand new $35 pajama set - all you have to do is wait until the one time your mom doesn't pack an extra outfit when you go shopping and explode in your diaper. You'll get the best results if the nearest store is pretty expensive and only has one (admittedly adorable) option in your size.

$35 pajamas are great and all, but they aren't really my thing. I'd say Maya doesn't even care, but that's just what she wants me to think. As if she doesn't have enough clothes already. She does love watching me do my hair and makeup, so I might have a girly girl on my hands.

The past month has been ridiculously busy. We were out of town, then packed to move, then had a holiday, then moved, then moved and moved and, just when we thought we were done, we moved some more. Then we went out of town again, then had another holiday... And now here we are. Maya is 4 months old and I'm like whaaaaat? She rolls over, laughs, "talks", plays with/chews on toys, and watches TV. Compared to a newborn, she's basically a toddler and I don't know when this happened.

As it turns out, cherishing every moment doesn't make time go any slower.

Maya is coming out of the phase of being glued to me all the time, but she still likes to know where I am when others hold her (except daddy, unless she's hungry). She behaves amazingly in public, probably because she's so curious about everything. She still has no desire to be in the car, but I'm hoping that will pass when she can face forward maybepleaseihope? She doesn't fight sleep quite as hard as she used to, so that's made life a lot easier.

It won't be long before she starts weaning, and I've already starting thinking about how much I'll miss nursing her when it's over. BUT! Enough of that negative thinking. I am so thankful for every time I've fed her and had that one-on-one bonding. Maybe she'll be my best friend forever now.

Basically she's huge now and is practically an adult and I don't know what I'm doing anymore because this parenting thing is starting to get real. On the bright side, I feel like Justin and I are finally getting back to the old us, which is nice. Everything was crazy and our lives were changed forever, and now this is normal life. And it's good.

A Short Letter to Myself

Dear Me,

This time last year, you were basically dying. Between the extreme exhaustion of early pregnancy and having to wait almost two months for your first prenatal appointment, you thought that time was not even moving, really, and that your sesame-seed-sized baby would never ever ever arrive. Everything had changed, but nothing had changed. All your dreams came true but they were still kind of just dreams.

Now, if you'll believe it, that sesame-seed-sized baby is no longer the size of a sesame seed and she's asleep on your chest. She smiles with her mouth wide open and tries to grab things out of your hands.

And it hit me yesterday: You're a mom now. I mean, a mom! You have a pregnancy under your belt and you've experienced labor and delivery and you're totally a mom. Isn't that crazy and awesome?

White Tree

So, I'm looking at the tree we just put up. It's from the first Christmas we ever shared as husband and wife. We lived in a little apartment (actually, a huge one - 900 square feet that was basically all bedroom) in Norman. Justin has a thing for live Christmas trees, so we agreed that I could have whatever tree I wanted until we started getting real ones. Justin's car was broken down, so he walked half a mile to the dollar store and, for $20, walked home with a 6-foot white tree.

We've used it every year since. We were going to start the "real tree" tradition this year, but moving into our own place during the holiday season bumped it down a bit on the priority list.

That white tree is small and simple, but it has tons of sentimental value. As I'm looking at it, I notice that all the ornaments are hung with paper clips, which makes me laugh. That first year, when Justin brought home that tree, I went to Walmart and bought colored lights and a bunch of glittery ornaments since we didn't have any of our own. I forgot to buy hooks for the bulbs and all I had on hand were paper clips. (They work way better than the regular hooks, but they are still paper clips, after all.)

I doubt we'll ever stop using that white tree. Even when we get a big, green, live tree and deck it out in the living room, that white tree will be up in our bedroom, making me feel all nostalgic and such. I'll beg him to let me keep it on all night like always, and he'll tell me no so we don't burn the house down for the sake of ambiance when we're not even awake, like always. As the years go by, it might make me cry a little when I reminisce, but I've accepted that as part of motherhood and welcome it when the time is right. When the time is right. Not today, oh heart! Not today. Can't start that only three months in. Nope.

So, our stuff is still mostly in boxes. I still haven't figured out what each light switch controls, and we still need a shower curtain (among many, many things) but that tree went up because this is our home now and dang it, it's Christmas!