Sixth Sense

Whoa. Kinda went MIA for a minute there. It's not that I haven't been doing anything, because I have. But I just wonder sometimes why I force myself to blog when I'm not feelin' it at that moment. I don't have to, you know. I learned that. But I do have an obligation to stick with something I started, right? If I'm gonna stop this thing, I have to make the decision to do so, not just fall off the planet inadvertently. Whatev.

I struggle with a quality-over-quantity issue. But I use this blog for more of a public journal than anything else, so what's the freakin' deal? I'm not going to write a masterpiece often enough to only post when I do.

I also don't want to be a Taylor Swift type where everyone is like, "She'll probably blog about this later," and roll their eyes and stuff.

I have this temporary office job now. I'm filling in for a girl (lady... woman... How old is too old to be called a girl?) who just had a baby. I like it and all, but it's taken me a little bit to not resent the job because I have to be there. I have to rip myself out of bed every morning before the sun even shines in my window and go to this place when I don't want to have to. Is that so wrong?

But complaining is SO 2013 and I'm not wanting to open that box every day, even though I crack the top a little bit. I'm thankful for a job when I need it. I'm thankful for a husband who wakes up before me for the sole purpose of turning on the heater in the bathroom and fixing my lunch and making breakfast for me and making sure I get up, even though he hears "but I'm so tired" and "it's so early" and "I can't go to bed at 8 every night just to not be tired right now" every morning from his whiny and half-asleep wife.

This summer, we've been married 4 years. I think it should feel insane, but it doesn't. It feels better than all the years before. I love him more than I ever knew I would, except this isn't the you're-cool-so-let's-be-together-forever honeymoon love. It's the kind where I look at him and I know him and he knows me, and I value the choice I made back then more now than I ever have, more than I could have when I walked down the aisle.

Weddings are great, but I've come to love anniversaries more. Attending other weddings is fun and beautiful and I think YOU ARE AWESOME FOR THIS! GO YOU GUYS! And then I want to flash ahead really fast to their first and fifth and tenth and twentieth anniversaries. Because you toast to the future, but then you learn first hand that the future is hard and everything has changed but nothing has changed. Life is still life and you are still you, except now you have this other person there all the time. And slowly, I've learned why I made that commitment, even though I didn't quite know why at the time.

Love, you know. Maybe it's a sixth sense.