Hi.

I am so bad at blogging regularly. I have got to work on that. Seriously.

SO MUCH CRAZINESS lately. The last couple of months have easily been the busiest of the whole year. Maybe the most stressful, maybe the most enlightening... I don't know. The year is almost over and I am so done with it. This year was good for Adele, and that's basically it. All the celebrity couples broke up, we had exactly one summer anthem song, and I am still not rich. I'm not bitter about 2015, but I'm not gonna sit here and dwell on it. (Well, yeah, I will, but later.)

If you're here through social media, then you probably already know my biggest news of all - I'M OFFICIALLY FREELANCE!!! I am a guest columnist on TheBLT. I still can't believe that people are paying for my writing. I'm basically writing the same things I write here, just with deadlines and, you know... consistency. I've had three articles published so far. I initially intended to post them here as they were published, but then life happened. So, I'll start doing that on the next article. No big deal.

Here's some photos of life while I've been away. Luckily, I have such a minuscule following that I can drop off for two months and not take any crap for it. Maya is cuter and smarter and older than ever, by the way.

September in Moments

Lemons, Mood

Maya has been falling asleep SUPER late the past week or two. Like, 12-1am late. And it's totally thrown me off. Then, tonight, at the perfect bed time for her, she falls asleep in the car on the way home, and I'm all YEAH!!! And I successfully transfer her from the car to the bed, which is awesome, but then I try to get up ohsocarefully and it's like we're suddenly tangled. Her arm is in my shirt and my shirt is under her body and her head is somehow supported by the arm I just moved to help myself get up. I kinda just freeze so I can figure out a game plan, and my stomach starts growling so loudly that I'm sure it'll wake up the whole street before it stops. I debate even getting up at all. I kinda wanna sleep but I have stuff to do. Cut to 12:45am and I find myself slow-cooking in the bathtub, drinking cold sweet strawberry hibiscus tea, practically falling asleep.

I start to wonder what's wrong with me, but then I realize it's just been one of those weeks - the kind that make you take wish-it-were-hotter bubbleless baths after midnight. The kind where you wear only mascara to church even though you know your directory picture will be taken. The dirty hair don't care kind. The kind that make you just take your wins where you can get 'em and forget the rest. (...the metaphorical rest and the literal.)

Because sometimes, you gotta get out the tools, build a stand, and sell whatever lemons life is giving you.

Or sleep.

Sleep, and sell lemons tomorrow.

To Rain or Not to Rain

I tried zumba for the first time tonight, and holy crap. That is not easy. It wouldn't be so hard if I knew the dances already. There's a surprising amount of twerking involved in zumba, and I don't think I should be twerking, really. Also, being tall is a huge disadvantage. I have so much more distance to cover with my movements! I just don't know how I feel about the whole thing yet.

***

Maya's birthday party is going to be at Andy Alligator's this weekend. I went earlier this summer and had a blast, but because it was raining and cloudy that morning, they had a "rainy day special" where it only cost $10 at the door, which was awesome, since it's normally $19 (and $15 online). I've been keeping an eye on the weather for her party day, and today it said there was a 40% chance of morning thunderstorms.

So, I called today to ask, if it did rain, would there be a refund or park credit for the difference if we bought tickets online and they were cheaper at the door like last time? The woman asked if the $10 ticket day was this summer, and I said yes. She then told me that it wasn't actually raining that day, they had just decided beforehand to try out the special price.

...but it WAS raining that day. I was there

Then she says, basically, that the price we pay when we purchase them, regardless of how we purchase or what the weather is doing, is the price we get, which I can respect. My question was answered, so I'm thanking her and ready to hang up.

Then she says they really don't think it's gonna rain this weekend. I just paused. I don't want it to rain. I didn't go through all of this just to pretend it's gonna rain. I just looked at the forecast, saw a 40% chance, and called to see what my best option was.

I said, "Uh, what are you using to determine that?" I'm sure that seemed like such a stupid question to her, because obviously we all have the weather forecast at our fingertips... which is what led me to this call.

She said, "The weather," and laughed. "Actually, I just go by what my manager says."

Uh, okay. I'm over here thinking they have some fancy forecast detector that I don't know about, since it apparently wasn't raining that one day that it was raining, and because they just know it's not gonna rain because "the weather" says so, even though all my resources at the time said it might. I had no idea what to say, so I just said thanks and got off the phone.

Is it gonna rain Saturday? I don't know. What even happened on that call? It kinda got away from me. I feel a little stupid for even thinking it was going to rain, because now when I look, it's supposed to be only partly cloudy.

What's really cloudy is my brain these days.

#mood

Almost 1

Things have been so crazy lately that I haven't even really had time to freak out about Maya's upcoming first birthday. Am I gonna freak out? Should I? Would it be bad if I didn't? I don't know. It seems like she should be 1, so I'm kinda like YEAH! A year! A year? Only a year? Already a year?! Well, a year makes sense. I mean, she acts like a one-year-old, I think... This is the process I've gone through each time I've actually thought about what's happening.

Her cake smash was adorable and hilarious. She was so cute it'd kill you. She didn't really get it, though, and we learned she is just not comfortable with being messy. She really perked up after we gave her a spoon, which kinda takes the wind out of a cake "smash", but the resulting pictures were perfect. They were done by my very talented sister (who is available for back-to-school sessions RIGHT NOW!)

She's sorta talking, but not. By that, I mean she's a big fan of repeating goofy sounds or fun-sounding words, but the only word she consistently uses correctly on her own is "baby".

She's a big fan of bracelets or purses or anything she can wear as such. She's okay with headbands as long as you make a big deal about how "pretty" it is.

She's knows what she wants and gets instantly frustrated if something is too heavy, out of her reach, or simply stuck. She's friendly and makes friends everywhere we go.

Justin told me the other day that I'm going to have to help guide him through her personality because lately it's becoming clear she got much more of my personality than his. I was unsure if his needing help was a compliment to me or an insult but I didn't ask. (Plus, I know I'm a lot to handle, and I don't ask questions I don't want to know the answers to.)

We were taken on a trip to Six Flags, a first for Maya and me, and it was SO fun. Aside from Maya getting hit full force with allergies and Justin still recovering from Rocky Mountain fever, it went pretty smoothly and we all had an amazing time. I've already been mentally planning my next trip there.

But heat rash like WHOA.

The last two months have been a whirlwind, and this one doesn't look like it's gonna slow down any. And I need a pedicure and my roots are down to *here* and I think I'm about to go full-on white girl about fall BUT FIRST! Turn this baby 1.

Quick Update

Maya loves to play in my art supplies and "help" me finish them. The shelf in the living room has a couple really nice drawings of hers. It's in pencil, so I could wash it off, but I almost don't want to. So what? I'm a proud artist mama, CAN I LIVE?!

The banana pictured above is recently listed and up for grabs. I've got a few other pieces I'm working on, and about a million business ideas in general, so I guess you could call me a bona fide businesswoman now. ::finger guns:: *chk*chk*

I've been busier than I've ever been in my entire life and I LOVE IT. Not being busy in itself, but I'm doing things I love, feeling productive and accomplished, and I'm only barely upset that I can't afford to get my hair done right at this second. HahahahaHAHAHAHA!

BUT SOON. Rome wasn't built in a day. But that doesn't stop anyone from trying to do anything, ever. I could build a Kardashian-sized empire without even using my butt.

I feel like I should disclose that my baby girl right there cheesin' for the selfie isn't even a year old yet. Not even! WHAT HAPPENS TO BABIES?!

*Sorry for all the yelling in this post. I'm easily excitable.

The Shop is Open!

This is it, y'all. I opened an Etsy store! I make art, and now I officially sell it. And I highly underestimated the level of courage it would require to announce this to people I know.

I'd like to say that I'm in love with every piece I make, but that would be a lie. I've always been the kind of artist (and non-art-related person) that jumps into something and is ready to move on quickly. There are countless finished works of mine that will never see the light of day, simply because I don't like them but don't want to go back into the world of that piece to attempt to turn it into something I might like.

With that being said, the art that I'm starting to make these days is different than things I've made before. I'm making art for me now, but formeforyou. Creating it makes me happy, and I want you to be happy by having it.

For a long time, I never wanted to sell my art. First of all, for a long time, I never thought I had anything that another human being would want to buy. Mostly, though, I was afraid I'd grow to see it as a chore, a burden, and ultimately stop enjoying it. What I've found through this process is that I really do have a passion for it. This became clear when art DID become work and I still loved it. When making idea lists and to-do lists excited me instead of overwhelming me, when giving myself deadlines for certain pieces made me feel accomplished instead of frustrated...

I know I'm not the most skilled or most practiced artist out there. That's not my goal. What I want is to find my voice, in a sense, and make people happy in the process. The value in the destination is in the journey, and I intend to experience that.

***

Coming back down to Earth:

You can visit my shop HERE, and always at the top of the page using the "Shop" link. I've got plenty more pieces coming, and you'll be able to get prints of all of it. Add my shop to your favorites so you can see when I post new art. Let me know what you think!

PPD: 11 Months Later

Last year, I had a baby. I also had postpartum depression. I originally talked about my experience with PPD in a previous post.

The thing about postpartum depression when you're on an antidepressant is that you feel normal, for the most part... but I still wondered every day if I would ever be able to get off of it. I'd accidentally miss a day and think I'd surely never be able to stop taking it if only one missed dose could allow so much negative emotion to slip through. This is why it's almost unbelievable today for me to say I'm officially off the medication completely.

OH, if I could sit and talk with my past self!*

In part, I wanted to give an update in case anyone might be wondering how this has been going. Mostly, though, I am sure there are chicks out there just like me who think they are the only one. They might feel alone, and if they're like I was, they'd be searching the internet all the time to try and find comfort, to find someone who can tell them that they're going through it too and not to worry and to call your doctor and that this! takes! time! You aren't a bad mom for feeling sad instead of happy. You aren't a failure because you can't will yourself out of the darkness. And taking medication for it can be scary but many times it's necessary to be able to take care of yourself and your baby/babies.

This is what I wish I could go back and tell myself, but my experience is what it is, and I've made peace with that. I was still happy and grateful and ME underneath it all, but I couldn't dig that far.

Now, I do wonder if I'll have depression with future babies, but it's a much different situation now. I look forward to experiencing a new baby without it, and I'm much more aware to handle it more quickly if it does happen. AND now that my experience is all out there in the open, it's not nearly as scary of a thought.

*I'd really like to talk to my future self, too. All of us could do a HIMYM-style acapella number, which would be worth it even without any insight into life.