3 Months

What I meant to say was how bizarre it is that I have a 3-month-old baby, a baby who sometimes seems to understand what I'm saying to her. A baby who looks like an angel when she sleeps, a baby who is too smart for her own good. A baby that doesn't know English but talks all the time anyway.

What I meant to say is how these last three months have been the best of my life. How I wouldn't change them for anything, how I can't wait to do it again.

All of these things are true, but that's not what I'm saying.

I'm saying I have a perfect baby who gets bored easily, who hates car rides at night, and who often fights sleep like it's some sort of punishment. I'm saying that sometimes my food gets cold before I can eat it. I have a 3-month-old baby who has been teething for weeks already. She wants me or her daddy above all, which makes me wonder if we'll ever be able to go anywhere without her ever again.

Before I had her, I knew babies were a lot of work. I knew I'd be tired. I knew I would feel like more like a feeding machine than a person at times. I knew my days would revolve around her and that poop and spit up would become a way of life.

What I didn't know is that there would come a day when I realized I was hanging out with her instead of just caring for her all day. I didn't know I'd wonder why God would trust me with such a thing. I certainly didn't think I'd be too busy marveling at who she is today to cry about how much she's grown.

Your life doesn't have to be perfect to be good.

I finally got a real diaper bag, and I bought some fruit-shaped hair clips on sale for Maya, even though she doesn't quite have enough hair to wear them yet. She still doesn't fit many of her 0-3mo clothes. At this rate, she'll have some nice winter clothes in the spring.

***

I turned 24 yesterday. It feels right, like it's going to be a good year. (I think I say that every year.) Maya and I are sharing a milestone, in a way. It's kind of our thing, you know? My first pregnancy was with her. My first contractions, my first experience delivering a baby... all with her. She made me a mother. And here we are, three months in. We've done a million things together, and I still can't imagine how I ever lived without her smiling at me in the morning and falling asleep on my chest at night. I've almost forgotten who I was before she came along. You know in the Breaking Dawn book when Bella becomes a vampire and all her human memories are fuzzy and dim? It's like that, kinda, but better.

(Don't judge me for the reference. I read, okay?)

Anyway, the bottom line is that I'm different than I was three months ago just as much as she is. And - I'm just gonna put it out there - Justin got super lucky with a wife and baby who both like to watch him play video games.