To Rain or Not to Rain

I tried zumba for the first time tonight, and holy crap. That is not easy. It wouldn't be so hard if I knew the dances already. There's a surprising amount of twerking involved in zumba, and I don't think I should be twerking, really. Also, being tall is a huge disadvantage. I have so much more distance to cover with my movements! I just don't know how I feel about the whole thing yet.

***

Maya's birthday party is going to be at Andy Alligator's this weekend. I went earlier this summer and had a blast, but because it was raining and cloudy that morning, they had a "rainy day special" where it only cost $10 at the door, which was awesome, since it's normally $19 (and $15 online). I've been keeping an eye on the weather for her party day, and today it said there was a 40% chance of morning thunderstorms.

So, I called today to ask, if it did rain, would there be a refund or park credit for the difference if we bought tickets online and they were cheaper at the door like last time? The woman asked if the $10 ticket day was this summer, and I said yes. She then told me that it wasn't actually raining that day, they had just decided beforehand to try out the special price.

...but it WAS raining that day. I was there

Then she says, basically, that the price we pay when we purchase them, regardless of how we purchase or what the weather is doing, is the price we get, which I can respect. My question was answered, so I'm thanking her and ready to hang up.

Then she says they really don't think it's gonna rain this weekend. I just paused. I don't want it to rain. I didn't go through all of this just to pretend it's gonna rain. I just looked at the forecast, saw a 40% chance, and called to see what my best option was.

I said, "Uh, what are you using to determine that?" I'm sure that seemed like such a stupid question to her, because obviously we all have the weather forecast at our fingertips... which is what led me to this call.

She said, "The weather," and laughed. "Actually, I just go by what my manager says."

Uh, okay. I'm over here thinking they have some fancy forecast detector that I don't know about, since it apparently wasn't raining that one day that it was raining, and because they just know it's not gonna rain because "the weather" says so, even though all my resources at the time said it might. I had no idea what to say, so I just said thanks and got off the phone.

Is it gonna rain Saturday? I don't know. What even happened on that call? It kinda got away from me. I feel a little stupid for even thinking it was going to rain, because now when I look, it's supposed to be only partly cloudy.

What's really cloudy is my brain these days.

#mood

Almost 1

Things have been so crazy lately that I haven't even really had time to freak out about Maya's upcoming first birthday. Am I gonna freak out? Should I? Would it be bad if I didn't? I don't know. It seems like she should be 1, so I'm kinda like YEAH! A year! A year? Only a year? Already a year?! Well, a year makes sense. I mean, she acts like a one-year-old, I think... This is the process I've gone through each time I've actually thought about what's happening.

Her cake smash was adorable and hilarious. She was so cute it'd kill you. She didn't really get it, though, and we learned she is just not comfortable with being messy. She really perked up after we gave her a spoon, which kinda takes the wind out of a cake "smash", but the resulting pictures were perfect. They were done by my very talented sister (who is available for back-to-school sessions RIGHT NOW!)

She's sorta talking, but not. By that, I mean she's a big fan of repeating goofy sounds or fun-sounding words, but the only word she consistently uses correctly on her own is "baby".

She's a big fan of bracelets or purses or anything she can wear as such. She's okay with headbands as long as you make a big deal about how "pretty" it is.

She's knows what she wants and gets instantly frustrated if something is too heavy, out of her reach, or simply stuck. She's friendly and makes friends everywhere we go.

Justin told me the other day that I'm going to have to help guide him through her personality because lately it's becoming clear she got much more of my personality than his. I was unsure if his needing help was a compliment to me or an insult but I didn't ask. (Plus, I know I'm a lot to handle, and I don't ask questions I don't want to know the answers to.)

We were taken on a trip to Six Flags, a first for Maya and me, and it was SO fun. Aside from Maya getting hit full force with allergies and Justin still recovering from Rocky Mountain fever, it went pretty smoothly and we all had an amazing time. I've already been mentally planning my next trip there.

But heat rash like WHOA.

The last two months have been a whirlwind, and this one doesn't look like it's gonna slow down any. And I need a pedicure and my roots are down to *here* and I think I'm about to go full-on white girl about fall BUT FIRST! Turn this baby 1.

Quick Update

Maya loves to play in my art supplies and "help" me finish them. The shelf in the living room has a couple really nice drawings of hers. It's in pencil, so I could wash it off, but I almost don't want to. So what? I'm a proud artist mama, CAN I LIVE?!

The banana pictured above is recently listed and up for grabs. I've got a few other pieces I'm working on, and about a million business ideas in general, so I guess you could call me a bona fide businesswoman now. ::finger guns:: *chk*chk*

I've been busier than I've ever been in my entire life and I LOVE IT. Not being busy in itself, but I'm doing things I love, feeling productive and accomplished, and I'm only barely upset that I can't afford to get my hair done right at this second. HahahahaHAHAHAHA!

BUT SOON. Rome wasn't built in a day. But that doesn't stop anyone from trying to do anything, ever. I could build a Kardashian-sized empire without even using my butt.

I feel like I should disclose that my baby girl right there cheesin' for the selfie isn't even a year old yet. Not even! WHAT HAPPENS TO BABIES?!

*Sorry for all the yelling in this post. I'm easily excitable.

The Shop is Open!

This is it, y'all. I opened an Etsy store! I make art, and now I officially sell it. And I highly underestimated the level of courage it would require to announce this to people I know.

I'd like to say that I'm in love with every piece I make, but that would be a lie. I've always been the kind of artist (and non-art-related person) that jumps into something and is ready to move on quickly. There are countless finished works of mine that will never see the light of day, simply because I don't like them but don't want to go back into the world of that piece to attempt to turn it into something I might like.

With that being said, the art that I'm starting to make these days is different than things I've made before. I'm making art for me now, but formeforyou. Creating it makes me happy, and I want you to be happy by having it.

For a long time, I never wanted to sell my art. First of all, for a long time, I never thought I had anything that another human being would want to buy. Mostly, though, I was afraid I'd grow to see it as a chore, a burden, and ultimately stop enjoying it. What I've found through this process is that I really do have a passion for it. This became clear when art DID become work and I still loved it. When making idea lists and to-do lists excited me instead of overwhelming me, when giving myself deadlines for certain pieces made me feel accomplished instead of frustrated...

I know I'm not the most skilled or most practiced artist out there. That's not my goal. What I want is to find my voice, in a sense, and make people happy in the process. The value in the destination is in the journey, and I intend to experience that.

***

Coming back down to Earth:

You can visit my shop HERE, and always at the top of the page using the "Shop" link. I've got plenty more pieces coming, and you'll be able to get prints of all of it. Add my shop to your favorites so you can see when I post new art. Let me know what you think!

PPD: 11 Months Later

Last year, I had a baby. I also had postpartum depression. I originally talked about my experience with PPD in a previous post.

The thing about postpartum depression when you're on an antidepressant is that you feel normal, for the most part... but I still wondered every day if I would ever be able to get off of it. I'd accidentally miss a day and think I'd surely never be able to stop taking it if only one missed dose could allow so much negative emotion to slip through. This is why it's almost unbelievable today for me to say I'm officially off the medication completely.

OH, if I could sit and talk with my past self!*

In part, I wanted to give an update in case anyone might be wondering how this has been going. Mostly, though, I am sure there are chicks out there just like me who think they are the only one. They might feel alone, and if they're like I was, they'd be searching the internet all the time to try and find comfort, to find someone who can tell them that they're going through it too and not to worry and to call your doctor and that this! takes! time! You aren't a bad mom for feeling sad instead of happy. You aren't a failure because you can't will yourself out of the darkness. And taking medication for it can be scary but many times it's necessary to be able to take care of yourself and your baby/babies.

This is what I wish I could go back and tell myself, but my experience is what it is, and I've made peace with that. I was still happy and grateful and ME underneath it all, but I couldn't dig that far.

Now, I do wonder if I'll have depression with future babies, but it's a much different situation now. I look forward to experiencing a new baby without it, and I'm much more aware to handle it more quickly if it does happen. AND now that my experience is all out there in the open, it's not nearly as scary of a thought.

*I'd really like to talk to my future self, too. All of us could do a HIMYM-style acapella number, which would be worth it even without any insight into life.

I Fried My Best (It's a pun.)

*This post contains talk of baby vomit. AAAAAAHHH!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!

I was trying to be a good mom this morning and make breakfast. I thought an egg would be good for Maya, even though I don't really care for them, so I fried a few up for us to share. I didn't put anything on it, because babies don't need salt, right? I fed her about six tiny little bites. I ate some myself and regretted it almost immediately. The eggs aren't expired, which I checked first, but even I'm still nauseous.

My "good mom" idea backfired. Maya didn't feel well either, which was obvious. She coughed and opened the portal to an ugly, eggy dimension. Watching your baby get sick is probably the worst thing on the planet, and I say that to make it clear how little I cared about the grossness happening in my arms. However, when the portal closed, Maya looked significantly better and I suddenly became very aware of myself and my now drenched shirt. Without putting Maya down - 'cause LOL it's too late for that - I took off my shirt with one arm, one side at a time. You could call this a mom skill if you want, but the only reason I was in this situation is because I thought it would be a good idea to give an egg to someone I love. Clearly, my intentions were flawed from the start.

Maya was then acting sleepy, and it was about her nap time anyway, and I knew she didn't feel well as it was due to a tonsil infection, so I nursed her. Unfortunately, I saw what little milk she drank come back up just a few minutes later, along with the few remaining bits of egg. I grabbed a towel from the nearby laundry basket and cleaned what I could. She laid her head on my shoulder and was asleep not two seconds later.

At first, I was a little concerned, but knew she was very tired, so I held her long enough to feel confident about laying her on the bed without waking her up. Shortly after, I heard her sweetly talking in her sleep (which is a thing she's been doing lately, probably to follow in the footsteps of her aunt.)

If I learned anything from this experience, it's never to give anyone an egg, ever. Maybe not even if they beg for one. Eggs are weird anyway! They're the wandlore of the culinary world, and for a non-chef like me, I'll just ignore all eggs that don't already belong to my body.

post-eggtraumanap

11 Months & Lately

I'd like to start this post by patting myself on the back for the upgraded blog. Yay, me! If you know me, you might know that I hate web design. And, even though this blog template was pre-made, I still had to do way more than the desired amount of IT work to fix some issues and do some formatting. NOW HERE WE ARE! I did have to take multiple breaks to, you know, take care of my kid, but that's just a convenient excuse for why it took me as long as it did.

Speaking of my kid, she's only ten days away from being a whopping eleven months old. She can walk now (!!!) and does so about half the time, or when she forgets people are watching. She's very smart - too smart, really. She knows what a baby is and can even say the word. And even though she knows who mama and dada are, she says "dada" when she's happy (which is often) and "mama" when she's upset (which is also often). I think she's more like a fairy, like Tinkerbell, where her body is small enough that it can't hold more than one emotion at a time. I feel like a broken record with this, because she's always been this way. She's happy until she isn't, and she is unafraid to let you know.

We've had so much fun the last week and a half doing all kinds of things. Between her first 4th of July, first trip to Medicine Park and Mount Scott, first trip to the Children's Museum, and first time at Andy Alligator's, she's been having a blast! She also stayed in a hotel for the first time. I was worried that she'd end up being a homebody, but thankfully, she's been totally adaptable and has been going with the flow.

When it comes to milestones, Justin and I are basically pros now. Pros in parenting, pros in marriage... We're thinking of opening up shop and selling our priceless advice. HAAAAAHAHAHA.
For real though, last month, we hit our five year anniversary. [Insert "aawwws" here.] My very talented sister documented the occasion for us.

The thing about this anniversary is that it felt so... right. Being parents is the best thing ever, honestly, and even though having dinner alone has a lot more work around it, it's still something I'm happy to be doing. Although, I will be first to admit that simple things, such as writing this blog post, can be incredibly frustrating when you're constantly interrupted by a baby pooping or choking or throwing a plate on the floor, or nearly anything that will prevent a person from being remotely productive.

(...but I love it, really. Just don't tell Maya.)

9 Months

Okay, here's what happened:

I blinked, and suddenly, Maya is crawling all over and getting in the trash and playing in the toilet (ew) and scattering candles (I don't even know why we have so many) and throwing DVDs (I found a new, secure home for them in an empty drawer) and generally causing me to wonder how anyone is able to keep their house standing with more than one kid.

On top of the whirlwind that is our child, we've had a busy, crazy month. I feel that I'm in desperate need of a vacation and then I can happily resume this active lifestyle. I'm officially back on track to get in shape again, and I've had to overhaul my eating habits because the gym can only do so much. Diet is, like, what? 70% of fitness? Am I making that up?

After Maya's 9 month checkup, I immediately started planning her first birthday party. And by "her first birthday party" I really mean "our celebration of being parents for a year" because IF WE'RE ALL BEING HONEST, the first one is for us. Maybe even the second one, too. We'll take a bunch of pictures and someday, I'll show them to her and thank her for making my first-anniversary-of-becoming-a-mom party possible.

See? It's still all about her, really.

She can't walk yet, but if she started walking right now, I wouldn't be surprised. She was, is, and always will be the most active person alive, and she's getting quite brave. She is long and thin, and currently very small for her age. I don't expect that to last, but I've been wrong before.

In general, I'm used to this stage of her life, and I am starting to think about the next kid for the first time in a while. Months 6 through 8 were basically just me wondering how anyone has kids at all, much less more than one. You can't even finish a sentence before you wonder why you even bothered to start it. There were a hundred Maya's in the house, playing with dishes, unloading dressers and trash cans, yelling and swinging from the ceiling fan. This is what I see when I look back on the last few months.

Now, for better or worse, she has purpose. She is on a mission at all times. "She knows what she wants, and she's not afraid to let you know." Two nurses pegged her life mantra when she was less than two days old. I was afraid of having a strong-willed child, but it doesn't seem so scary now that I've accepted that's what she is. It seems perfect, actually, considering my craving for adventure, so LET THE FUN BEGIN.

8 Months

Lately, things have been not so good. I have the flu, and Justin and Maya are working their way off of a cold. They have horrible allergies, so I think that's compounding their problem. I must say that taking care of a clingy baby (who doesn't realize she's sick) is the absolute worst thing in the world to do when you feel like you're dying. The only thing worse, I think, would be having to care for multiple children instead of just one. I did have a single moment where I wished she was old enough to go to school, because then I'd at least get a chance to nap or bathe or cry or something.

Maya is just five days shy of 8 MONTHS OLD! Her tooth game is strong. She never ever ever stops moving, like a puppy. GOGOGOsleepGOGOGOsleepGOGOGO. She loves water and barely even notices toys in the bath because she's too busy splashing all the water around. She's still breastfeeding but not nearly as often. She'll eat almost any food we give her, unless it's baby food, then she gets super picky. Apples? Sure. Bananas? Heck yeah, all of 'em. Meat? Ew, no. Carrots? No, sorry. It's much easier to just mash up some of my food and give that to her.

She's a big time cuddler, which is a habit I will never try to break her of, even if it means I'll be carefully removing myself from bed Jenga-style as not to disturb her for the rest of my life. She's got so much hair now, and the bedhead every morning is LEGIT. So far she's said mama, dada, nana, and baba (asking for a brother, maybe?) She's getting pretty good on her own these days and warms up to people much faster. This has been extremely helpful since I've been going to the gym and can't hold her while I'm on the treadmill. You know, safety and stuff. She still sleeps in our bed with us, which is fun and all... but I'm aware of the fact that this will not be fun as our family grows and we run out of room in the bed. I've formulated a plan to get her out of our bed, which should work well when I get around to doing it. I'll admit I'm a little lax with the "rules" on crib-training because, well, I just like cuddling with her.

The same thing applies to breastfeeding. I'd love to stop breastfeeding for a while before our next baby, but then I think about it a little more. When Maya stops breastfeeding - which she'll do when she's ready, probably sooner than later - that's it. Nursing isn't one of those things you do forever. (I mean, you could, but yikes.) So why rush to the end?

Oh, yeah. Because maybe I'd like my body back for two seconds.

Hahahaha just kidding, I'll never get my body back. I'm not talking physically, I mean this body will forever be an extension of Maya and her world. I'm in high demand around here, you know. Like royalty, basically.

6 months? No, please.

It hit me last night that Maya will be 6 months old next week. SIX MONTHS! I have to start feeding her! I mean, I have to start supplementing her breast milk with actual food that people eat. I officially feel like a mom.

I'm going to have to start buying baby food. I have to read ingredients and make brand choices and buy things. I have to carry baby food and baby spoons and BIBS. What the heck?

What. the. heck.

One tiny little milestone and suddenly she's going to preschool and driving and getting married. Ugh! Stop! I'm so relieved to look down and see her still tiny and in my arms.

Today, though, and for the next week, she's my tiny little baby who needs nothing but breast milk and love. I like this time where it's just her and me. I want to get to know her. She's shy, but she's a goofball. She's a snuggler and a talker and I can't wait until she knows actual words and can tell me all her thoughts and dreams.

This is basically turning into me just rambling because I'm freaking out a little. I have pretty much kept my cool so far, but the fact that she'll need to start eating the same basic food that I eat is absolutely insane. Also, I don't think I could ever get used to this - the whole my-baby-is-growing-up thing.

*Sigh*

What is happening? Am I old?